Head trauma

My life was concrete, my friends were concrete, floral pants were concrete. Then I had my first day at lone peak high school. 

I met a boy. He made my heart run 4 5ks. He showed me how to share lips like secrets. He even said I love you. 

He threw the first brick.

He shattered my heart into 98.5 pieces.

My friends suddenly had other interests. Laughing at mean jokes. Never noticing I was standing alone. They threw the next brick. At my teenage, fragile heart. 

Floral pants. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I'll throw a brick at myself for that one.

But that's the funny things about bricks. 

They break your window but build your favorite house. 

Maybe the bricks are my real friends.  

That boy doesn't even like my weird kisses. He never laughs at my awkward dance moves. He's not right for me. And I needed a brick to the head to be awakened from his spell. 

Maybe that brick had my back because those "friends" don't even remember my birthday.

We can't blame the bricks for sophomore year. I don't think bricks care about fashion at all. 

Bricks only hurt us when we are using them to build the wrong house.

I found a guy who kisses me weirdly back and will dance in the rain with me all night long. 

I found friends who will bake me 30 cakes on my birthday. Or just sit with me it I need them to. We have more fun then 

the lost boys. 

I found my true love. Anthropologie. 

I may have a few concussions but I would take some head aches over a house I don't even want to live in. 

So thank you bricks. For the migraines, head pains, and a full life I wouldn't trade my right arm for.

With love, 

Gemma.

(You) (me) (rain) (pain) (moon)

I'm writing because the sky is such a pretty blue, my room is packed with gifts from you, and my heart is fuller than then the moon. 

Earth is stuck in a routin where sad is louder than happy and I hate you is screamed more than I love you. 3 words that seep of my lips so sweetly. I love you. Damn it, I love you. 

Tears have become my best friend, they come to see me everyday. I don't like when they come but I always let them stay. They are warm sliding down my face and taste like rain drops from outer space. I remember how warm your finger tips were tracing my face and the river runs rapid all over the place. I'm stuck. Stuck loving you but never getting feast my eyes on your effortless beauty. Never getting to crash my lips all over yours. Stuck wishing I had your heart beat to help me sleep. Tears, tears, I'm drowning. Tears, tears.

I think the sky has heard my cries because she is mourning with me. She drops cold slow tears. They drip down my rough skin reminding me of what we could have been. She's a good friend. Showing me beauty when I only see pain. But she's a bad friend because we used to dance and kiss in the rain. Pain, rain, rain, more pain. 

I'm writing because the sky is such a pretty blue, my room is packed with gifts, from you but still my heart is fuller than then the moon. 

Once upon a time...

"With true love kiss the spell will break."

Ever since we can remember we have been bombarded with messages of love. We've been compromised by the entertainment companies. They feed off the lovers, the dreamers, the believers. Little girls mimicking Aura, Snow White, Cinderella. Hoping to find their price by sharing some crayons. If that doesn't work they usually chase them down in tag. 

How did the princes know the love was true? When did they know they needed their princesses with all liver and bones? Did they kiss and if it she woke up it was "true"? 

That's all we have. Trial and error. 

Locking lips, growing feeling, shattering hearts until we find our "true love."

That's why love is so hard. You thinks it's real, it's so beautiful on his skin. Your heart soars and the kisses send you past pluto into the milky way. Seemingly always in a few weeks you find it wasn't made for the two of you. 

I found mine.

He's gone.

My heart is out of chest wandering around trying to find some liquor.

I've been wandering in this empty world trying to find someone something to fill this numbness in my chest. When love leaves she isn't generous. 

She leaves you with nothing but emptiness.

Sadness.

Tears.

There is something so tragically beautiful about tears. 

They are warm. Made to comfort. Sadly they just remind us of what we are trying to avoid.

THE VOID.

"People do crazy things when they are in love." -Hercules

We do ANYTHING at the idea that it might be true. That's what so disturbingly beautiful about love. It drives us to do things we would never consider in our natural state. It pushes us off the cliff. Sometimes we fly.

Mostly we fall.

After we finally pull ourselves off the ground love returns and in a rather unapologetic tone spits, "Sorry sweetie this isn't your happily ever after after. Better luck next time."

Kissing, laughing, crying, lying, distain mostly pain. Until finally we find the one who our heart does somersaults for. After all the twirls that's when we realized what we needed all along.

We needed our Happily Ever After.

All we needed was Love.

Silly, sweet, murderous, crazy, sappy, crappy, screwed up, blissful, love.

Perhaps

Perhaps the stars shine so bright because they are the pieces of our souls that escape us.
Perhaps we feel so peaceful in water because the 70% churning in our bodies finds their loved ones      and wishes to tell them hello.
Perhaps why I feel so alive outside is because the mother wishes to tell me hello and doesn't have time to send letter.
Perhaps our blood is red because the love we feel stains it red instead of purple.
Perhaps the ocean is so cold at the bottom because all our pain and heartache sinks instead of floats.
Perhaps tears are warm because they yearn to comfort us.
Perhaps hairs are secretly spies learning all the secrets in our heads.
Perhaps clouds are our lost hopes and sometimes they just need to cry.
Perhaps my brain followed Alice and is content to be a little mad.
     Alas sadly perhaps is always just perhaps.

A Guide to Humans

• They laugh way too loud but not as often as they should.
• They leak salt water from their eyes when they are sad. 
• They leak when they are happy or angry.
• Sometimes they leak for no reason.
• Some have so much courage. 
• All are afraid of something. 
• They care way too much about something called sports.
• They leave children hungry and alone.
• They are gentle and kind.
• If you ask what's wrong they will say "I'm Fine"
• They judge.
• They lie.
• They believe in something called love.
• Some look perfect.
• Some are patient.
• They always love what will never love them back.
• They regret.
• Most never change..
• They love music and hate lies.
• Still they all lie anyways.
• Be careful when dealing with humans.

(WARNING) Beware of humans. They look so beautiful and gentle when they smile. 

evol

Uoy truh ym traeh. Ym traeh struh htiw tuo uoy.

Why did boys go to from yucky to yummy? When did Hannah Montana turn into twerking Miley? When did recess turn into drugs at lunch? Why did toys during bath time turn into tears from the mirror? I want my crayons back.

How did 3 snack packs turn into "it's okay I'm not hungry."? Why did your imaginary friends turn into the very real thoughts of "you're never good enough"? When did barbies turn into "friends" who make you feel like garbage everyday? I want my crayons back.
Red, yellow, blue, green, orange, purple, pink. Sadness, distress, loneliness, heart break, mistakes.
I want my crayons back.